The Right STUFF

Have you ever thought that you were meant to fail?  It must be inevitable, right?  Those people on social media pulling in cash and inspiring the masses just got lucky.  They knew somebody.  Sure.  Or they had expert help.  They had a better start.  They took the right class or they got in on the offer at the right time.  Maybe it was their Alma Mater?  Or they’re sleeping/ brown nosing/ slimy social media advertising their way to success, right?  Sure, they found some corners to cut and now they’re ahead of the game!  In your Secret Soul, though, haven’t you wondered if maybe, JUST MAYBE, it’s really YOU?  Like- you missed a clue?  There’s something you don’t know?  Or you didn’t, as Miley Cyrus so famously said, “get the memo” about how to act, dress, walk or talk like the real deal?  So, here you are, months or years or DECADES into your Big Plans and you haven’t made it yet!  What IS it?  If somebody would just show you what to do next, you’d DO it! 

We’ve all been there.  It’s the ONE more thing fallacy.  If you just take ONE more class, spend ONE more installment of a couple of thousand on this guru… or this software… or this Mastermind…  Well, the truth is- there really IS just one more thing.  And when you address it, odds are, things are really going to begin to come together for you like they never have before.  Okay.  WHAT the hell is it that’s holding you back?  Go grab yourself a seat at the mirror.  I’ll wait.  Yeah, you KNOW where this is going.  YOU.  YOU”RE the ONE MORE THING!  We’ve had that MOMENT, right?  Of reckoning?  The ONE where we said YES to being a “boss babe” or joining the RIGHT GROUP.  The ONE where we spilled our guts to our peers and the ONE where we took a deep breath, held up three fingers and told our detractors, deniers and delimiters to read between the lines. 

So, WHY, then?  Are we still not successful?  The difference between you, me and the winners in the Big Leagues is simply this- they took that moment and added it to a moment and added it to a moment… You see where we’re going with this thing?  It isn’t just the ONE big thing.  (Okay, it IS, insofar as you’ve GOT to have a moment or two along the way where you decide to change.)  BUT- it’s the group that stays with it that finishes big.  There’s no instant success, sorry.  No quick fix, no magic miracle cure for what ails your life.  There’s messy iterative and often painful learning.  AND- there’s even messier, more iterative and more painful UNLEARNING.  (What the hell does THAT mean?) 

Well, you learned STUFF as you went along your way.  Some of the STUFF saved your butt during difficult moments with crazy parents, peers and powerful people in your environment that didn’t interact very consciously, ethically or mindfully with you.  (Or me.)  That STUFF served you in that day, at that moment and for that time.  Whether you learned to hide from an angry dad or learned to avoid that bully at school or finally figured out that there WAS no figuring out that overly dramatic friend and quit trying, your STUFF helped you then.  This category of STUFF has an expiration date.  It got you through distress, dysfunction and disaster, but it isn’t designed for use in daily life.  If you take these lessons forward with you into the bedroom, the boardroom or the other intimate places and spaces in your life, you’ll fail.

Other STUFF that you learned helped you then AND later.  Like, homework sucks but then you don’t have to study hard for the test.  Or- if you ASK for what you want, even though it’s as scary as anything, sometimes you GET it!  Or- that certificate, diploma, sheepskin that you worked so hard for isn’t the WHOLE package, after all.  There’s a learning curve to your calling/ craft/ profession.  Also, if you research what/ who  you’re working with when you ASK for stuff, it helps increase the likelihood of obtaining the buy-in, cooperation and resource allocation needed (due diligence).  Being helpful to other people cannot come at the expense of your own reasonable self-interest in TOO many cases, or you’ll burn out.  This category of STUFF that you’ve learned doesn’t expire.  As your skills in any area of this category grow, so will the likelihood of your success.  THESE lessons will serve you in any context. 

The essential question is, when you have your MOMENTS, are you leaning into the wisdom of the STUFF that does expire?  Or the STUFF that doesn’t?  Add up the moments of your life and the mind frame that you are in when you embody them.  THAT will tell you pretty quickly where you are on your journey to success and what your prospects are of obtaining it.  Sometimes, the work of unlearning old lessons that no longer serve us can seem much less urgent that the work of getting ON with building the dream.  That’s a mistake, and a potentially expensive one.  Take it a moment at a time.  Make the most of the moment that you are in.  Like a master craftsman, build your life in alignment with your plans.  Use the wisdom and skill that you’ve gained along the way.  These moments, like steps taken along a journey, will bring you to the pinnacle(s) you seek. 

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